It was christmas eve at home and we were so excited to glow candles..... slim and white candles...
They always remind me of Nainital. The first word which comes to my mind when ever i see candles is Nainital.. Though i have never visited that place. It was a trend of our little beautiful hill station to keep elegant Nainital candles, another hill station of Uttarakhand.. Candles of exotic hues and shades..... This small town was like any other little hill station... blessed with great social life.... with obvious pros and cons. A Delight when get to attend never- ending get togethers and dinners and a plight when you become host of this vicious circle which has no end.
Nainital and candles have another association with me. One of my classmates in my college had gifted me a candle and that too from Nainital. We used to call him BOND... not because he was 007 but because he was a ba...... of New Delhi(bond is an abbreviation for bastards of new delhi) . He was designated with another name also. He was known as xerox Salman Khan.... not for his great bod but for his absurd behavior, a messiah of beggars of PVR Saket, giving them money and his burgers was something which he really used to relish and the beggars savoured those moments with obvious relish. Once he, another friend, and i was sitting together in canteen and as usually cribbing about the holes in our pocket and suddenly he asked me a question.
" How much money do you need?
I said, " ummmm, yaar just to buy four samosas and a cold drink."
And, we got shocked when he did this to be our messiah that day..
He said,"i really dont want you people to crib again. Take these 1500 rupees for your canteen expense."
Well, it could only be BOND.... some times 007 and some times ******* of new delhi. It was difficult to understand him. That day i thought that this is his habit to reduce burden from his pockets, might be to prevent over- flow of his wallet..
There is something more which reminds me of Nainital and candles. My first room mate in my first year of college was from the same place..... Actually, she was not from Nainital but had done her schooling from a boarding of Nainital.. We were very different though we did get well together when we started talking about things. It was so pleasant to got to know about our similar tastes- ahhhh, a liking for elegant Nainital candles was one of them. She was from a small town and me too.. I thought that this is a small town syndrome or positively a mania of elegant candles. She always used to give me a task.. to describe a key which can unlock my future.... Her probing was always so provoking that it was so natural for a dreamer like me to imagine that key. She used to ask.
" Just imagine, that you have got a key which can unlock your future... What would be the color of that key, how big it would be, would it be embedded with precious stones or would it be like a simple iron key?"
I used to describe a lot about it but she never came to any conclusion about that description. It was a kind of projective techniqe that she didnt know how to interpret. She had also gifted me a candle from Nainital. so, another candle from there....
Well, I was so glad to put candle given by BOND to me on my dining table-- after all it was from Nainital. It was a concieted black cat.
I have never been superstitious of black cats. The only black cat i remember is from Arabian Nights. My cartoon-network,,, no not cartoon-network, my disney hour conditioning reminds me of black cats as source of feminine evil. They are black beauties like Naomi Campbell or like our very own Bipasha Basu. They are mysterious, magical, evil, wicked and slutry. (these adjectives are only for my black cat from Arabian Nights, not for the ladies mentioned above).My childhood was all about cartoons and lot of cartoons. I always used to wake up at 8.15 in weekdays and had always been a late comer to the school. My teachers were so used to my habit that they started liking it some how. The time to get up on sundays was 7.30 in the morning. Ofcourse, to watch cartoony tales in Disney Hour. and, i was not limited to disney hour only i was also so much possessed with blinking eyes of jinnie, Denis, peter of Ghost busters ( One of my crushes) and three stooges with many more.. I really get annoyed when i watch Cartoon- network and many other toon channels with my brother now.From there i get to understand about the unwanted aggression of my brother and his friends. I dont know from where they have got super- technologies in miny-tiny toons? Black cats have been always a female wicked characters in cartoons and still they are present in these hi- tech toons also. well, i dont have any issues with black cats in real- life.I am the least superstitious person of my family... just like my father whose quest for spirituality has never intersected any cord of superstition. but i believe that the candles which i glow on christmas don't leave any melted wax after burning... this is something which i believe from my childhood. My younger brother told me that it has a reason,,, that the candles which we used to burn in childhood were made of very fine wax so they hardly leave any wax after burning.. Whatever it may be ,but this is something i dont want to stop beleiving in.
As usually, my parents were not interested in this candle glowing affair.... My sister and i were excited to glow candles and to make wish of the year.... My brother looked quite reluctant to initiate any thing from his part. He had turned 13 that year. Finally, he broke his silence and admitted that he doesnt wants to light his candle this year. In fact, he doesnt wanted to join it in any way. and the reason which he gave on asking was...
" I dont believe in God now. So, what is the use of doing something which will be just a super- ficial task. I dont want to do any thing just for the heck of doing it.so, i wont light this candle."
My sister told me that children stop believing in God when they reach adoloscence because their thinking become much abstract and factual. I thought, Ohhh,he is on the right path of his cognitive development.... I asked him about the reason of this sudden development.
He said, " Do you know what, i have just lost a marathon which i could win if he had helped me."
I asked, "Who dindt help You?"
He replied, " Ofcourse, God didnt help me. I was running with all of my energies and strength. I was running with no one along me. I turned around and could see only one running after me, very far from me.. Few bikers came with camera covering me and started cheering me. I was so thrilled by this exprerience. The finishing line was visibe now. I could see it and suddenly i started losing all my energy, it seems that my veins were losing grip over my body, my head was shaking, icould feel my bones wrecking... I said, Please god i have done a lot on my own. I have reached here on my own potential.. Please give me little strength so that i can reach the place for which i have struggled a lot. And, after that i opened my eyes and i was sitting in the lap of my sports teacher. I saw that the person who was running behind me came first.. And, i was out of the race because i fell down just before the finishing line."
" They say that God helps those who help themselves. I did that but he didnt do that. Thats mean either he doesnt exists or he doesnt loves me."
I asked him, " HMMMM,,,, well,, tell me, suppose, some day you want to buy something for you. You manage to gather 85% money to buy it.You ask your parents to give you rest 15% but due to any reason, they are not able to ful fill your demand. So, would you stop loving them? Would you leave them?"
He said,"NO, i wont. Because i love them unconditionally."
After 15 minutes, my sister my brother and i was glowing candles, not from Nainital but from a near by local shop. We closed our eyes to thank god and to grant our old and new wishes.
I asked my brother after glowing candles, praying and making wishes.
"What wish did you make this year?"
He replied," No wish this year. I havent asked for any thing. I have stopped trading with God. no more wishes, no more disappointments, no more trading, just an unconditional relationship."
But that didnt prevent me and my sister to write letter to santa like every year.
And, i was so happy and satisfied to see in the morning that this year also the candles didnt leave any wax behind them."
